It's been . . . a while . . . to say the least.

I actually had a Kendo hiatus for about a month. The stresses of moving and finding a new apartment and then finding myself homeless was a bit too much for me to handle alone. I was only without my own place for a week. Once I finally moved in to my new apartment for a bit, I headed back to practice.

I felt a little embarrassed that I had missed so many practices. But sulking about it would do me no good. I went and I was happy to be back. Even my kiai was made an example of for the entire dojo.

But my last practice was less than spectacular. My kiai was weak and my spirit was waning. I'm not sure why. When it was all finished and I was folding my clothes, K-san came up to me and commented, "You were very quiet today. Are you okay?" I looked up at him and smiled weakly. I didn't say anything. Maybe a "Yeah." Just kept folding.

But what made me feel better was talking to C-sempai. I thanked him for the practice. "Where have you been?" he said in the sort of tone I usually give my sisters when they haven't talked to me for some time. I told him what was up but that I should be able to attend every practice from now on. "Well that's good. You did a great job today as usual." I scoffed in my mind at this comment. But I resigned myself to knowing that I'll probably never be satisfied with my performance. "Your strikes were straight. Your kendo is clean. You should keep coming back. It would be a shame and a waste if you didn't practice anymore. Keep it up." I thanked him again and went to attend to my things.

It was nice to know that I was doing well. At least as well as a beginner can do. I knew in my mind that I had to do better next time. A bad week shouldn't interfere with my Kendo. While I continued to fold my clothes, I overheard C-sempai, Ka-sensei, and Ku-san talking about whether I should be wearing full bogu or not.

Regardless of whether they decided I should or not, the time for me to start fully participating in practices draws increasingly near. Once that happens, it's not going to be easy and thing will be much more serious. But I'm working hard. And I will work much harder.

I met our new beginner Friday night, the one that A asked me to come to practice for. She's really very nice. I showed her around and helped her with etiquette and rules of our dojo. While she spent her time with one of our sempai learning the very basics of Kendo, I spent my time feeling like a brand new beginner all over again:

I had another interesting practice conducted by C-sempai.

• brushed up on the two kata I already know
• half learned the third
• first attempts at tsuki. t'was both hilarious and frightening
• learned how to adjust my distances when doing multiple strikes on a stationary opponent
• got hit in the head, knuckle, and boob. D:

We had a visitor come as well. He had just moved here from Tokyo. He said he was visiting so that he could practice again. Reece asked him if he wouldn't mind telling us his rank. "Well, I used to be san-dan," he replied. "But I haven't practiced in a very long time. I hope you'll consider me a beginner." Well, my sempai weren't about to let him off the hook. He lined up exactly where the other san-dan did. :) He ultimately decided he would join and stay at our dojo until he had to move back to Japan.

I've noticed that everyone seems to notice that my Do fits me weird. Granted, it isn't mine so it isn't my size. But there are some things I just can't help. As a woman who practices Kendo, I find that my, erm, chest gets in the way of a lot of things. A sports bra can only do so much. I've tried reading up a bit on the internet about this sort of thing, but I've found there isn't much I can do. Since the majority who practice Kendo are male, there isn't a high enough demand for a special design for people like me. Even the women who practice probably have a more athletic build. Heck, I have a hard time shopping for regular clothes, let alone Kendo equipment. ::sigh::

I just hope the conversation I will have as I explain to everyone why my Do doesn't seem to be flush to my chest won't be too awkward. >_<

Anyway, once practice was over, I heard my sempai plotting to put together a Women's team. If V sticks with Kendo, that would make five female members of our dojo. Granted, I have a long way before we're even ready to compete. But it's just one more thing to keep me practicing.

Just got an email from my dojo: